Weekend Update had SNL‘s Jane Wickline singing a comedic song as Sabrina Carpenter Saturday night (Dec. 14) — one that named pop stars like Taylor Swift and Harry Styles, both of whom the internet has no problem gossiping about when it comes to sexuality. Carpenter apparently hasn’t been a big part of that particular rumor mill. In the sketch, Wickline portrays the “Taste” singer as feeling left out.
“A lot of people on the internet like to start these juicy rumors about whether pop stars are gay, and this is a new song that I, Sabrina Carpenter, wrote called ‘When Will Even One Person Do That About Me?’” the SNL cast member explained ahead of performing a parody based on what Carpenter might think of it all.
Of course, the song sounded nothing like an actual Carpenter hit. “I can’t look or sound like her. She’s completely perfect,” Wickline said, but added, “For the purposes of this song, I am her.”
“Taylor Swift sings about a crush on her best friend/ And you all cry ‘lesbian’ because she didn’t phrase it ‘my boy best friend,’” she sang in front of a keyboard.
“In a music video, I make out with Jenna Ortega/ No one doubts me at all when I say this is a metaphor for one of my ex-boyfriends/ And that is all it was, but no one ever wondered,” Wickline’s Carpenter said. In the next verse she pointed out that making out with her female co-star in “Taste” merely resulted in online chatter like “I heard this song is about Shawn Mendes.”
“Help me/ Just tell me where I’m doing wrong/ Why am I the only straight pop star/ Taken at their word?/ It’s lonely/ I do gay stuff and you don’t get mad/ I just want the same treatment/ I want to have mystique/ Why don’t you think I’m either bi or pretending that I might be/ I’m not bi or pretending, but why does no one think I’m lying/ I just want you to think I might have secrets,” she sang.
Wickline went on to remind everyone that Carpenter also locked lips with a female alien during the MTV Video Music Awards stage in September, while performing a medley of her hits.
“I also made out with a girl alien at the VMAs/ Nothing!” she lamented in her song.
Carpenter hasn’t commented on the bit.
Watch the “Weekend Update” that pokes fun at Carpenter in the clip below. Elsewhere during the Chris Rock-hosted episode, musical guest Gracie Abrams played “That’s So True” and “I Love You, I’m Sorry.”
