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King Crimson’s Robert Fripp Nearly Shows His Whole Prog Rock in OnlyFans Teaser

There’s nothing like the naked body of septuagenarian rock star plugging a definitely-not-real OnlyFans to remind you that today is, in fact, April Fools’ Day. 

Well, for that, we say, “Thank you, Robert Fripp.” 

In the April 1 spirit, the King Crimson guitarist and founder posted on YouTube, “🚨 Robert has officially joined OnlyFans! 🔥 Subscribe now for exclusive, jaw-dropping content you never knew you needed…”

To tease the content “you never knew you needed,” Fripp shared a 26-second video himself, sitting butt-ass naked on some steps, with a guitar expertly placed between his legs. The short clip featured the perfect soundtrack — an innocuously seductive hip-hop beat — as Fripp caressed the neck of his six-string, licked his lips, and made faces that struck a perfect balance between smoldering and stupefied. 

Just to be clear, though, if you go to www.Onlyfans.com/RobertFripp, you’ll just find a “Sorry this page is not available” message. Which, if we can be frank, is a shame. Come on, Robert — commit to the bit! Why not make a of couple bucks off your other 21st-century schizoid man? 

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That Fripp would go as far as he did, though, shouldn’t really come as a surprise to anyone who’s kept up with his ongoing “Sunday Lunch” series with wife Toyah Willcox. Started during the pandemic, the series found Fripp and Wilcox covering snippets of various songs while also dressing up in increasingly ridiculous and elaborate costumes. (Fripp even put a bunch of fake tattoos all over his face and body for a rendition of Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid.”)

Speaking with Rolling Stone in 2021 about the origins of the series, Fripp said, “My wife has been insistent. Performers have a responsibility to perform and at this particular time to keep people’s spirits up. This is a very English cultural tradition. Essentially, when things are really bad in England, what you do is begin laughing and do silly things. A good reference point is the Ministry of Silly Walks on Monty Python. Now it’s, ‘Robert puts on a tutu and dances to Swan Lake at the river’s edge with his wife.’ So I have followed my wife’s sense and vision of these things.”

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